Coffee Talk

This...is my favorite coffee mug. It was given to me by a guy I call T-Shirt, because of reasons I cannot discuss on a blog. I adore this mug. I often get grumpy when I can't use it for my coffee. It makes me grin every time I see it.Makes me think of Chaz (my halfling D&D character) which is what T-Shirt intended. Makes me think of myself when I was just Impossible and not Impossible-mom. Which is a good thing. lately, I have needed many reminders that I'm not JUST "mom" but am also still Impossible alone too.

Being a stay at home mom is tough. You work long hours for no pay and for people that generally do their best to go against what you want them to do. If done right, its a pretty invisible job. Add in special needs and it becomes an ever-loving stress MACHINE. One often loses them self in the never ending streams of requests and tasks that need to be done. It also doesn't help me that most of my friends that I like to hang out with are guys. That most of those guys are where during the day? At work. Hell, most of the women are at work too.

I'm a social animal. i admit it. I also admit to having an unhealthy view of women. That would come from me having my heart cut out by several. Again, not things I wish to share on an open blog, but lets just say I seem to befriend the bottom 3% of them. Makes one leery to join play groups. Add into the fact that most women don't like me. Its either the fact that their husbands think I'm cool or they are threatened by my confidence. It can't be that I'm so beautiful...so its more than likely one of those two things.

So yes...Being social I spend some of my day on IM. Most of my day chasing children. The coffee cup serves as a reminder back to the days when I would play magic all afternoon. We would stay up till 4am playing D&D. Hit movies and breakfast out on the weekends. Sleep in till noon if I wished. Saturdays were for watching cartoons, not doing laundry. generally living life for yourself instead of others.

Now I wouldn't trade my kids or the husband....I sometimes wish i could rewind a bit and visit those days...if just for a while.

I'm not sure I could ever top that video or the writings of Jim Butcher, so its down hill from here on.

I just spent the last 5 days having Faerie and her family stay with me because their power was out. It taught me quite a lot. It taught me that I can survive in chaos, that my kids can as well. It taught me that I really love my sister. That I really love her children. That her eldest really needs to land flat on his face to figure out what life is about. That the next eldest girl friend is a big sweetheart. The one after that really CAN follow the rules and that her little girl really is in her own world, and its pretty there. Yeah, it had its trying moments, but all in all, more bearable than I thought possible. Glad to have my house back, but it was a good experience.

In other news, next Tuesday, we fill out the paperwork for the level one waiver. I know, those of you who aren't American and don't have a "special needs" child are now saying "What? do i say hooray?". Yes....cheer, toast and get excited. This waiver gives us a renewable 5k per year, PER KID for respite (thats baby sitting in fancy terms). A big part of it will be used in Summer camp next year, but some will also just be used to get us out of the house. Its renewable for 3 years and then I think you either go back on the list or get to redo the paperwork again. regardless, 3 years seems like heaven now. So that is exciting news.

Huggie Face (the second eldest) is coming on vacation with us the first week of November. He's never been to a resort...so I'm betting he will have a good time. Whats nice is Cuddle Bug (his girl friend) is going to Canada that same week so one won't be stuck home sobbing away for the other. I'm hoping it'll be a good trip overall. I need to take a few days at the end of next week and get all packed up. joy joy ;)

We are back in swimming lessons on Saturday. Going well there so far. Licker was a bit tired last week, but we are trying to nip that 5am wake up in the bud so lets hope hes better next week. Still, they love swimming so much. Will be nice to have indoor pool access on vacation. I ever remembered to request a room on the first floor so Licker wouldn't have to deal with stairs or an elevator. :) Yea me!

So thats basically it for now. Not as exciting as last blog, I know, but I was trying to look at the learning from the pain instead of complaining about the aches.

Get your Kleenex....(And added Jim Butcher on Pain)

But its beautiful



Also wanted to add this, since it fits the theme. I have been reading the Dresden files, By Jim Butcher. A passage in White Night that really hit home I read last night on pain. I have reproduced it here for you:

"We still hadn’t learned, though, that growing up is about getting hurt. And getting over it. You hurt. You recover. You move on. Odds are pretty good you’re just going to get hurt again. But each time you learn something.

Each point you come out of it a little stronger, and at some point you realize there are more flavors of pain than coffee. There’s the little, empty pain of leaving something behind—graduating, taking the next step forward, walking out on something familiar and safe into the unknown. There’s the big, whirling pain of life upending all of your plans and expectations. There’s the sharp little pains of failure, and the more obscure aches of successes that didn’t give you what you thought they would. There are the vicious, stabbing pains of hopes being torn up, The sweet little pains of finding others, giving them your love, and taking joy in their life as they grow and learn. There’s the steady pain of empathy that you shrug off so you can stand beside a wounded friend and help them bear their burdens.

And if your very, very lucky, there are very few blazing hot little pains you feel when you realize that you are standing in a moment of utter perfection, an instant of triumph, or happiness, or mirth which at the same time cannot possibly last—and yet will remain with you for life.

Everyone is down on pain, because they forget something important about it; Pain is for the living. Only the dead don’t feel it.

Pain is a part of life. Sometimes it’s a big part, and sometimes it isn’t, but either way, it’s a part of the big puzzle, the deep music, the great game. Pain does two things: it teaches you, it tells you your alive. The it passes away and leaves you changed. It leaves you wiser, sometimes. Sometimes it leaves you stronger. Either way, pain leaves its mark, and everything important that will ever happen to you in lifeis going to involve it in one degree or another. "

I think it puts things into perspective. It may be a little "glass is half empty" but its also "glass is half full"

Brought to you by

They Might Be Giants. They have here come the abc's which my children love and now have come out with here come the 1 2 3's. This has become the Master's new theme song (or so he wishes) and I adore it so.

If you ARE inclined, be sure to find 9 pirate girls too. That one is another fave.

So theres my thoughts for now. So deep they are ;)